We're All Going on a - Summer Holiday....

No more worries for a week or two?

You must be bloody joking.

When the twins were younger, I used to look upon the summer holidays with a sort of dread. It seemed as if a black hole of time suddenly approached and swallowed me up. It felt as if I’d never reach the other side of it. 

When the school holidays eventually finished, it took me weeks to recover, by which time the stupid half-term had come along.

Time to fill can be a daunting prospect if your kids don’t have the adequate play skills to amuse themselves. It was a huge challenge and some days I didn’t always feel up to it, particularly as it was too risky to take Bobby and Alec out on my own.

Over the years, I got a lot better at coping with this. 

Point one is to remember that it’s not only autistic kids who can be a bit rubbish at amusing themselves, although we may feel more affected. In fact, when Bobby or Alec are playing on an iPad, they can amuse themselves very well. It’s the imaginative play they lack. But don’t kid yourself that every other kid is building masterpieces at home with Lego. Since they’ve been to school, I’ve learnt that most of them are watching TV and driving their parents nuts, too. 

The first real lesson I learnt was not to metaphorically block my ears with my fingers muttering to myself ‘it’s not happening, it’s not happening!’ as June approached. I started to plan. Spontaneity, my friends, is a luxury that only those without kids with autism can enjoy. In particular, when attractions are so busy during the summer, spontaneity is largely valueless. If you know what’s happening first, you can book, prepare them, and life gets a lot easier.

Making holiday plans too early was my second mistake. Once I realised that the holidays were a bit of a nightmare, I went into overdrive and started planning in May. By the time all the lovely offers of disability-friendly play schemes had filtered through to me, I had already blocked in time with something else.

So these days I find a happy medium and I start planning late June/early July. Like a total nerd, I start making a timetable – yep that’s right an actual timetable – colour coded as well this year. This allows me to see how many blank days I have (and whether they’re a healthy amount for mental sanity) and it’s also something to show Bobby. His un-timetabled time can be quite stressful, so this makes him feel a lot more secure. 

For Alec, who is more flexible and doesn’t understand timetables, I show him photographs of where we’re going on the day before. He understands ‘tomorrow’ and it’s as simple as that.

Everyone’s different but I learnt over the years that the boys didn’t always enjoy days and days away from home. I also learnt that this wasn’t actually what I or they needed (although it may be different for you, I appreciate, especially if the quality of care they’re getting is good and you work during the day). 

For me, I simply needed adult company about twice a week to enable me to take them somewhere different and exciting and also to have some grown up conversation.

By the time they were 8, I’d learnt that a Tuesday and a Thursday afternoon with another adult was all I needed to keep me sane. Days out have been replaced by afternoons out. Getting twins ready for a day out by 10am (with all the extra clothing, sensory toys, instructions and lunch) was no picnic, if you’ll excuse the pun. I’d done a day’s work before they’d left the building. 

The afternoons being the longest time to kill at home, I now let them take it easy and watch telly or play computer in the morning. If we’re going out, it’s either for or after lunch.

First to get slotted into the timetable is the twice a week ‘sanity’ sessions with help – either support for me taking them out, or someone else doing it. I time it right - an inside attraction on a hot day to guarantee that it'll be largely deserted.

I dot a few trips to my mum’s in between. Then later, nearer the time, I fill in with places I can take the twins to on my own. These include some marvellous disability clubs which are safe and where everyone looks out for each other. More recently I’ve been able to take them to ASD Friendly screenings on my own, too, despite having to squeeze all three of us into a cubicle when someone gets caught short.

I also work better at planning my husband’s time. The minute that Jools Holland has counted down to the New Year, the diary comes out. His work is first come, first served for holiday bookings. So naturally by one minute past midnight I’ve sorted the dates.

There’s one final thing that I learnt and that’s the value of doing nothing. Autistic kids, whether they’re at mainstream or special school, need alone time and they need time to do naff all. This doesn’t mean endless computer and TV, but I did have to learn to relax about this one. 

It’s lovely for them to visit places and to have fun but how would you feel if every day of your holiday was booked up? You’d be exhausted! I realise now that I did it because I felt guilty that I couldn’t play with them very productively at home. 

Since then I’ve learnt how to watch them have their own fun, keep them company without interfering, and basically roll around the floor doing tickles. I spend my time building train sets and marble runs, mostly. I don’t beat myself up that we’re not making pretty pictures or baking cakes. If I’m tired, I forget the Play Doh. I give them my time and however boring and valueless that may feel when you’re watching trains going round a track, it really is important.

Finally, I promise myself three days of DOING NOTHING when September comes. It rarely happens, but the fact that I've promised it to myself makes me feel a whole lot better on a day when I feel shall we say 'challenged'.

Good luck and happy holidays!