Tell Me Why... I Don't Like Tuesdays!

STITCH IN TIME: We can't avoid arguments all the time, 
but autistic kids have to learn how to make amends

SPECTRUMITE Mum (that's me, that is) is feeling very happy that she caught up on her sleep recently. This meant that when Bobby kicked off at school yesterday, I felt pretty calm about it. I had plenty of resources at my disposal and thus resisted the urge to kick the library door down and shout 'WHAT ON EARTH HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?'

Believe me, this is not a method that reaps many rewards.

Following on from a previous post, the reason Bobby kicked off at school could have been:

1) That it was a Tuesday. You know how Bob Geldof felt about Mondays? Well that's what Bobby feels about Tuesdays. I don't know why, he just does.

2) He had a break using his Nintendo DS and felt that he was rushed and had lost some material on it. This triggered a massive storm in a teacup during which he insulted Saint M'lanie (his teaching assistant).

3) Undercurrents of hormonal disturbance caused by incoming - red alert! - puberty!

4) Undercurrents of imminent secondary school panic/horror.

5) All of the above

6) He just felt moody

It helps very much that school doesn't greet me with an e-fit poster of Bobby posted on the front door reading 'Wanted for crimes against the curriculum'.

As usual it's just a case of letting me know that there's been a bit of an allhellbreakloose moment. The more we chat about what to do next, the better our ideas become.

School never gets me on the defensive by a 'this is what YOUR son is doing, whatcha gonna do about it?' style attack. It is more a case of, we all love Bobby, Bobby's not been living up to his usual high standards, how can we help? This is much more productive.

I decide to pop over to school at lunch, since Bobby refuses to come to the phone.

One thing I'm not going to do is to tell him (tempted that I am) is that if he'd not had autism, he would no longer be wearing the head boy sweatshirt this week, having kicked off like that.

That would not be helpful. He is autistic. That's the point.

One of AuKids' most useful advisors is Dr Heather MacKenzie, who is really good at helping kids to develop executive functioning by asking them what they think rather than telling them what to do. Since being on her SPARK course, I use her techniques a lot.

Bobby knows full well he's messed up. By the time I've arrived, he's already apologised to one teacher. A guilty, very sorry looking state meets my eyes. Or rather, won't meet my eyes. Bobby's ready to blow, but I can tell it won't be anger but tears. The fact that I'm here at all is embarrassing enough.

We both know he caused a scene so the question I ask Bobby is 'How are you going to put it right?' He suggests apologising to the entire world. I suggest that one or two people might be enough. I think he may have hurt some people by his words I tell him. "What you mean like injured?"

"Words can hurt people by making them feel sad inside, even if you don't mean them."

That's news to him. Once they're out, they're gone as far as he's concerned.

Another technique I'm working on is a visual way of making him change his mood, by imagining that he's a Lego man who can change heads. He loves the Lego Movie so this could work although I've only tried it once or twice. I'm trying to help him get over his bad moods more quickly this way.

Part of the problem is that he writes off Tuesdays. The minute something bad happens on a Tuesday, it confirms his worst suspicions.

On a friend's advice, I show him something reeeeeeeally good that I've found out about Tuesdays - all new video games are released in America on a Tuesday.

"So Tuesdays aren't all bad then?!"

Phew. That's one problem solved. We can't always stop ourselves from doing the wrong thing, but it does help if we know what to do once we've messed up.